I am a gentle soul that sometimes reveals sharp claws. When I am undergoing transformation, I tend to be irritable, moody, depressive, and snarky. I don’t typically want to be around other people, and I certainly have less patience with and tolerance for people being in my “space.”  I used to be oblivious to this part of my personality. But now, I have a better understanding as to why I don’t always want other people to speak into what I call my “chaotic space.” I don’t always want others to preach, prophesy, recite scripture, or even say a word of encouragement to me. In this state, I need people to save their opinions and keep their concerns to themselves. Most of the time, I just want to be surrounded by silence while I’m in the throes of chaotic space.  Hey, don’t judge me: I’m trying to get myself together and be nicer during those intense times.

In Genesis 1:1-2, we get the opening of a creation tale that was meant to help us make sense of the origins of our world. According to this particular creation story, all that was in existence in the beginning was a void and formless space, and the Spirit of God moved over the face of the deep (waters). Some theologians say that the deep waters that covered the earth were symbolic of chaos. They call it the Chaos Theory. It was out of the chaos that God spoke all things into creation, and set things in certain order. This little creation story gives me reason to pause.

When chaos surrounds me and moves in me (like the waters covering the formless and void earth), I consider myself to be in a state of re-creation. It is during this time that God speaks me into creation and sets a different order. I don’t want others to interfere in the process. Even the most well-intentioned people can speak things into my re-creation process that is not ultimately in my best interest. When others lift their voices (instead of God or me) in the void and formless space of my atmosphere, they become co-creators in a process that was never theirs to own. This process – my process – is for my God and me to navigate together, despite how uncomfortable others might be. 

It is within the chaotic space that we have a sacred, sometimes unspoken, dialogue with the Divine. It is okay to select a few people to witness re-creation, but always be mindful not to give away your process. Others don’t have the right to form or shape you. With everything within you, refuse to relinquish the power of your re-creation to other people.